Proper 7(B) Michael W Hopkins
1 Samuel 17:1a, 4-11, 19-23, 32-49 The Church of St. Luke & St. Simon Cyrene
2 Corinthians 6:1-13 June 25, 2006
Mark 4:35-41
A Wide Open and Wounded Heart
Yesterday when I finally got to look at this morning’s Scripture readings, I was most struck by Paul’s words to the Corinthians. They are words spoken in the midst of conflict, and so I suppose it is no surprise that they spoke to me.
To say our Church is in conflict is to say nothing new. We have been for a long time, some would say always, and they are probably right. It may be the nature of a Church whose hallmark is diversity of theological opinion to be in a constant state of conflict. For most of us, we just plug along in our individual parishes and pay as little attention to any storms that rage in the larger church. Occasionally, however, the storms hit home.
They certainly did for me this past week, and so, because of the nature of our relationship, they did for you as well. That is not to say that I expect any of you to feel the conflict in the way I am feeling it, but I do ask you to share the burden I bear today, and will bear in the days ahead.
Much was said at this Convention aside from sexuality and the future of the Anglican Communion, and I will speak of that in the conversation time after Service and in the days and weeks ahead.
Yet it all came down to a single sentence spoken on the last day:
Resolved, that this Convention…call upon Standing Committees and bishops with jurisdiction to exercise restraint by not consenting to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate whose manner of life presents a challenge to the wider church and will lead to further strains on communion.
The words themselves are not so much the issue. I, for one, suspected we would end up with something like this, and I love this Church and the Communion of which we are a part enough to accept this “restraint” for a time.
The words are problematic, however, in that they do not say they are “for a time,” meaning, if nothing else, that the fight will have to continue. We will have to fight to undo these words sometime in the future, and the fight is likely to be just as ferocious as it was these past two weeks, continuing to sap the energy of this church and distract it from issues with which it desperately need to deal.
And it is no small thing to be labeled “a manner of life [which] presents a challenge.” One wonders if we shouldn’t be wearing a scarlet letter “C” on our garments from now on. Yes, lesbian and gay folk were not singled out, but everyone knows just who it is we are talking about. The day before this resolution was passed, both Houses of General Convention easily consented to the election as a bishop of a man who is on this third marriage. I believe such a juxtaposition is called hypocrisy.
All of that one could simply file under the nature of “a conflicted church,” and go on with life as if nothing of much importance had actually happened. We gave our new presiding bishop—whose choice, by the way, made my heart soar—what she needed to stay in conversation with the rest of the Communion and that isn’t such a bad thing, is it?
In the end it probably isn’t, but for those of us who lived through this past week on the ground at General Convention, many of us are left in a very painful place. The wound we received is deep because we witnessed the body assembled at Convention deliberately set aside its conscience in order to say those words. The conscience of the Convention was saying, “We cannot be forced to choose between the two goods of our beloved Communion on the one hand, and the full inclusion of our brothers and sisters who happen to be gay and lesbian on the other.” Even conservative moderates were speaking this truth. The House of Deputies on Monday soundly defeated a resolution which said almost exactly the same thing as what we ended up with.
But instead, the presiding bishop, supported by the presiding bishop-elect, in an extraordinary intervention, said, “We must say what conservatives in the Communion want us to say.” “It is the best we can do,” both of them said.
That was a lie. It was not the best we could do. The best we could do was to tell the truth, the best we can always do is to tell the truth. Out of fear we chose otherwise. And there was rejoicing because this supposedly meant that the “center” spoke. Yet these are the words the presiding bishop used to create this “center,”
Some among us feel that expressions of restraint with regard to the office of bishop demean the dignity of those among us who are gay and lesbian. Others among us may be opposed to expressions of restraint, which would make it more difficult for them to justify their apparent need to establish a separate ecclesial body.
This “center” could only be created by marginalizing on the one hand those who would leave the church rather than accept as reality decision made at the 2003 General Convention, and, on the other, those of us who believe the dignity of gay and lesbian persons is an absolute which cannot be compromised.
The bottom-line for me is that I watched my Church marginalize me, two days after it said it could not. There was no attempt whatsoever to meet with those of us in leadership among lesbian and gay Episcopalians, no attempt to ask how we could get through this with some measure of dignity on all sides.
The motto of the Anglican Communion is a verse from John’s Gospel: “The truth will set you free.” Unless it seems, a truth we do not want to hear.
What to do now? I have been wrestling with that ever since Wednesday afternoon and I will continue to wrestle with it. The obvious short answer is to stay and continue the struggle. This is our church too and we are at its center, no matter what others say. I will not be chased out of this church.
But, my friends, personally I need some time to lick my wounds and seek spiritual healing and simply rest. I cannot serve you well exhausted and wounded. I had not planned on taking any vacation until August after Right On School is over, but I am asking the Vestry for leave to take two weeks beginning this Friday. I do not want any of you to worry about me. I will be all right and we will continue on together. I am only asking for you to pray for me and give me a little time to re-gather my strength so we can do just that.
I started by saying that I took comfort in the words of Paul to the Corinthians that we heard this morning. The Scriptures often give us words with which to sing praise or words to express our joy or words to give us comfort and hope. But they also sometimes give us words to express our disappointment, our distress or even our anger. So I speak Paul’s words to the Corinthians with whom he was in some measure of conflict to our Episcopal Church and Anglican Communion with whom I am in some measure of conflict. I speak them as a loyal and faithful priest of this Church for sixteen and a half years, who happens also to be a gay man whose manner of life is a challenge to some. I speak on behalf of many in this Church who seek only to live their lives faithfully within it.
We desire to put no obstacles in anyone’s way; we have desired only to exercise our ministry within it, as servants of God speaking the truth about ourselves through some thirty years now: through great endurance, in endless testimonies and studies, threats of exclusion, the affliction of lies told about our love; by the openness of our love and our lives, honesty, patience, kindness to our enemies, genuine love, truthful speech and the power of God. We are treated as imposters, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet are well known; as bringing death—and see, we bring life; as unwholesome examples, yet leading many to spiritual richness; as being marginal, and yet the measure of this church’s promise to be a church for all. We have spoken with you honestly, Episcopal Church; our heart is wide open to you. And even now there is no restriction in our affections, yet we experience restriction in yours. In return we ask only for the truth from your hearts, and the wideness of an embrace that is not “as much as possible” or “the best we can do” but as wide as the embrace of the One we all call Lord and Savior.